Logs:Indecisive

Indecisive
Dramatis Personae Harm, Marinov	2019-04-08 "It's worth being difficult."
Location Treehouse (TRH)
Built by enterprising students of yesteryear, this treehouse has weathered generations of Xaviers' students coming up here to study -- or escape from studying. A cozy retreat, its wood planks are sturdy and well-sanded, fit snug together to keep out draft. Snacks occasionally find their way up here, and the roof keeps the rain off well enough to pass a night -- so long as the teachers don't catch any students at it. For anyone agile enough to make the jump, a lucky leap juuust might carry them from here to the school rooftop, so long as they're careful of the drop... It's later in the afternoon, and most classes have concluded. Many students are out in the grounds, taking advantage of a nice day out. Wearing a black vest over a cream coloured top and a similarly coloured skirt, Marinov has decided to take to the high ground. The felinoid mutant has with them a mathematics textbook, which remains facedown on the floor of the treehouse, as they are more focused on the craft that they have on hand. They are working on tiny outfits with a hand sewing kit, a look of focus on their face as they work on all the minute detailing. There's a scrabbling outside on the ladder, and a moment later a head of glossy black hair peeks into the treehouse. Harmony, dressed in lightly woven rainbow-ombre linen tunic, black wrap pants, and no shoes hauls themselves up through the door. "Oh, hi," they say with a shy smile, hefting a satchel made of recycled bicycle inner tubes. Their eyes fix curiously on the clothes in Marinov's hands. "Mind if I join you?" Marinov's attention snap up towards the entrance at the sound of climbing. When Harm appears, Marinov's eyes rest momentarily with a similar amount of curiosity at the sight of the inner tube satchel. "Hey." They gesture non-specifically around the treehouse with their head, their hands presently occupied. "I don't mind a bit of company in here. I'm just not doing my math homework at the moment." Harmony's smile grows wider at the invitation, and they shuffle all the way inside, sitting cross-legged on the floor. "I'm Harm," they say, then blush fiercely. "Sorry...you probably knew already, this school is so small." They are opening the satchel as they speak, pulling out a pair of bamboo circular knitting needles with a cylindrical work-in-progress attached, knitted from glittery rainbow yarn. "What are you making?" "I knew who you were, but introductions never hurt. I'm Taylor. Most people call me Marinov, though, which is equally fine. It used to reduce confusion, but now it's just something that stuck," says Marinov. They look up from their project, "I'm making doll clothes. Gonna dress some of my dolls up in miniature versions of some of the designs I'm working on." They point with their sewing needly, "How about you? Looks interesting." Harm's eyes widen, impressed. "Your dolls can match you. Or have a miniature fashion show!" They look down at their own project and turn it over to re-orient it before starting in on the next stitch. "This is going to be a sock. A long one, for next winter. I didn't have enough warm stuff for this climate." Once they have a rhythm going, they look up at Marinov again. "Is that harder than making big clothes? Your outfits always look so amazing." They're blushing again, harder. "And, you know... androgynous?" Marinov leans over to get a better look at Harm's sock-in-progress, commenting, "Those are gonna be pretty cool when they're done." They shrug at the latter question while working on some of the small detail work, "Doll clothes are what I was more used to for a long time, I've been making them since I was a kid. But I like making big- well, people sized clothes more now." Their ears perk up a bit at the praise, and they look up. "And thanks. I love thinking about designs. And I don't think there's enough, like, properly androgynous styles out there, you know?" "Yeah, I want pretty socks I can layer over tights, even though no one's really going to..." Harm's frown is conflicted and fleeting. "Well, it'll be nice to actally go /outside/ next winter. This is a big house, but it's not big enough to be stuck inside for that long." They stop and tug on their working yarn, which issues from inside their bag, pulling it until they have some slack. "I knit and weave and sew well enough to make clothes, but I have /zero/ skill for designing them. So like they're androgynous but...all in the same drapey pseudo-Asian hippie style." They wrinkle their nose slightly, looking down at their own outfit. "It's kind of /the/ fashion where I grew up, but now I also feel like...I just don't /want/ to wear clothes that make people think I'm a /boy/. /Or/ a girl." They glance up at Marinov, nervous. "You know?" "Yeah, I don't like being cooped up inside too much... I like being on the move, or out in the woods," says Marinov as they finish the detail, and place the needle into their pincushion to pause in the work. They look up to meet Harm's eyes at the last, holding their gaze a moment before nodding acknowledgement. "Yeah... yeah. I'd rather people not assume I'm a girl or a boy either. I mean, they do, sometimes, but..." Marinov pauses a moment, thoughfully, and adds. "But it's alright to be neither, yeah?" "I bet /you/ don't get too cold in the winter!" Harm says, but then winces. "Sorry, is that rude? You probably hear it a lot..." They seem to be blushing a lot today, kind of chewing on their lower lip now. "It's definitely /alright/, but it's harder to /know/ if..." Their knitting needles stop moving for a moment. "If you /personally/ are? Neither, I mean. Well, /you/ know that. I guess I'm just not so sure if I am, too." Marinov's tail thumps lightly against the wooden floor of the treehouse. "I still gotta layer something over it so it'll insulate better. It's like... jungle fur, I guess?" They watch Harm for a moment, their ears tilted forward in an attentive expression. "Yeah... it's harder to know. I'm pretty firm in my, uh, 'enbiness' these days, but it'd sorta been a long process of questioning." They chuckle to themselves, "Sometimes I'd joked that I am just, like, real fucking indecisive, and for a long time it was only really a half joke... but I figured I'd just stick to whatever feels most right for me right now." "That's probably best, for the summer," Harm says thoughtfully. They lick their lips and kind of pluck at their knitting. "That's great! Whether it's that neither is right for you or /questioning/ is right for you. I just feel like everyone is pushing me to pick a side, if they haven't picked one for me already. Not /intentionally/, just..." They trail off, fronwing. "Well. Not /mostly/ not intentionally. But I still feel like I'm just being /difficult/ if I don't choose." "Yeah, there's definitely all kinds've pressure to conform," agrees Marinov. "Even in little things, like... what hall to sleep in, and all that. Lots of binary choices and expectations that nobody questions, I guess?" They scratch their neck lightly, one ear folding down. "And maybe it feels like being difficult. I've had the feeling, too. But sometimes..." They pick up their needle again from the cushion and look down to the little doll's outfit to continue their work. "It's worth being difficult." Harm smiles a small, crooked smile. "Yeeeah, I'm glad I wasn't there for the fight my parents had over which dorm I should go in." Their needles start churning yarn into stitches again, though more slowly than before. "You think so?" Perhaps the question is rhetorical, though, since they add, "I guess it's not just for us, huh? Maybe if we make enough noise and people get that we exist... someday it'll be easier for other kids who aren't either." Their smile turns warmer. "Or who are just indecisive."