Logs:Resources and Recommendations

Resources and Recommendations
Dramatis Personae Jax, Rasa	2019-09-01 What use are degrees anyway?
Location <NYC> Evolve Cafe - Lower East Side
Rasa picks up the large pot of masala chai ze ordered and slips hir fingers under the plate of pastries ze got with it, only moving them a little bit over while ze waits for hir companion to get his food. Ze's dressed in a pair of baggy jeans with a body suit underneath - basic black and three quarter sleeves, a ring of scarves around hir neck in varied shades of blue with ribbons of yellow and gold. "I'm sooo glad you could come, Jax. I know you've been busy with everything and I didn't want to press too hard during all of that. How is Flicker, by the way?" Ze shifts hir weight anxiously, sapphire eyes darting to and fro as ze studies his expression. "I know it's probably too soon to ask. But you know... it doesn't stop the worry, right?" Jax returns to the table with a large iced rose-flavoured latte and a large bowl of tofu bún chay. His hair is bright -- brilliant peacock-toned ombre -- though the rest of his outfit is simpler, denim overalls and a bright green tee that reads 'Social Justice Psion' in large capital letters and underneath that in cursive, 'changing the way you think'. "I ain't talked to him much, honestly." He sticks a rainbow-hued metal straw into his coffee, sipping at it slowly. "An' I've just resigned myself to kinda a perpetual state of worry at this point. It's real expansive, I can worry 'bout so many people at once." "It's amazing how the mind and heart grows to accommodate," Rasa acknowledges with sedate acceptance. Ze pours hir tea into a cup, watching the steam curl up from the surface. "I hope your worry comes with small breaks for breathing. Taking some tea, perhaps. Talking about something else?" There's a bit of hesitant curiosity that lights hir eyes like a glow bug, but ze is quick to lower hir gaze and continue. "I was hoping... to talk to you about school." Jax just sucks a longer swallow of coffee, and tips sauce over his noodles. Stirs them up carefully. His quiet hum is just filler, acknowledging Rasa's words without real reply until his brows hike up, questioning. "'bout school? Uhm -- what about school?" "I'm.. ah, getting close to the end, but I'm looking at my degree and wondering if it is... not ... actually useful." Rasa lifts hir cup to hir lips and blows on it, not seeking the heat so early in September. "Everyone says go into STEM, it's where the money is... but.. I don't know. Is this just... end of undergrad panic?" Jax's teeth press briefly against his lower lip. He takes a small bite of his noodles, slurping up a strand of vermicelli when he misjudges its length. Neither of these things noticeably smudge the iridescent green lipstick he wears. "Uhm," he ventures after he swallows, his nose crinkling up, "I have a fine arts degree. I ain't sure I'm real qualified to comment on career paths. Do you like what you're studying?" "Well, sure. It's interesting," Rasa admits, starting to peel apart a croissant filled with spices and nuts. "I just... also see all the shit that's going on in the world and wonder if my time could be better spent helping people... like with a psych degree." "I mean..." Jax hesitates, frowning down at his bowl uncertainly. "Half the people I know ain't working in anything remotely connected to their degree. I think you can go into somethin' that helps people no matter what you study. I think that's a whole different question from where the money is, though. In this economy I'm not sure any major's a sure bet on that front." "True." Rasa isn't thrilled with this point. "Especially with our genetics..." Ze continues to peel apart the pastry and sighs. "So, it's not worth switching my major. I think that's the other hard part about life... these days. It's feeling powerless to do anything useful." Ze clears hir throat and finally pops some of her food beyond hir lips to chew quietly. "How's everything else?" "There's a lot of useful needs doing. I think the problem is a lotta people feel like if they ain't fixing everything straight off there's no point in doing anything but --" Jax shrugs a shoulder, shaking his head. "Kinda just need to pick your battle an' jump in. Sitting 'round feeling overwhelmed by it all don't get you nowhere. What kind of 'useful' do you want to tackle?" "I'm looking to help people with trauma, and getting back to a less shitty existence. I know I help out here, just talking to people like a bartender does -- and I do help out at Chimera sometimes, but like.. really help people talk through their problems... like people helped me." Rasa abandons hir pastry and returns to holding hir tea mug, "The fact that I am surviving university... like I am. The fact that I am holding down a job and staying involved with NYU-X ... is just because of the people like you who helped me. I want to help others too." Jax lowers his gaze to his food, his fingers tightening around his fork. "Yeah. I can't imagine gettin' through school's been easy. And there ain't a lot of resources out there for kids going through it. S'pose maybe you could start some. Support group or peer counseling or the like? I know there's meeting space for that kinda thing here or at Chimaera." "Peer counseling." Rasa considers this for a long moment, still, then lifts hir mug to sip. "That might be it. I wonder if there's training available to ... do that better. It's what I want to get into, but it is also scary. I don't want to push someone further off kilter..." Ze shakes hir head and lowers hir gaze as well. "I... try not to think about the other shit. It helps to get through stuff. have my patterns. Can usually get out of most situations. It's probably easier... being home. I can't imagine what B went through." "There's training you can get, yeah. I can send you some resources if you like." Jax raises an eyebrow, twirling noodles around his fork as he looks back up. "Try not to think 'bout what? And I don't know if B had it no better or worse. New York is its own kinda difficult." "Trying not to think about the stupidity that is... just existing," Rasa sets hir mug down decidedly, lemon yellow skin darkening to a grayish bronze, "Or at least, that's how it feels sometimes. I'm just me, trying to carry on like a normal human being and the fact that I am doing so is a huge offense to some people. Sometimes, the culture that I wrap around my head and face is a familiar enough offense that I go unnoticed, but hell, half the time... There are women - allegedly well meaning white women - who come up to me and inform me that I'm being oppressed and if I need help, they want to help. The first thought is, sure, honey, but you have no idea how. They have falsely shoved me into the category of degraded women in a patriarchal world, but no proud Persian would feel that way. We are living in the US. If we did not want hijab, we would not wear it. But I do. But if I bring that up, I might as well be aiming a nuke at their hearts. No one cares about Persia anymore. It's all Iran and it's weapons of mass destruction." Rasa swallows hard against the frustration that is bubbling up inside hir. "But they are not looking for truth. They are simply looking for something to make themselves feel better. When they find out that I am a mutant -- something I don't hide, but also don't necessarily draw attention to -- then there is no compassion in their eyes, no expectation of joyous, self-righteous furthering of their own egos. There's just me -- who shouldn't be here. Hell will freeze over before I admit that I am also an asexual quasi-hermaphrodite in a relationship with a filthy immigrant who may or may not be legal." Hir arms cross over hir chest as the color leaves hir irises, a flinty gray forming in its absence. "Teachers have stopped calling on me or trying to force people to work with me on group projects. No one sits next to me. I might as well be observing through a video feed. I take notes, I ace exams, I do whole group projects by myself and present as much as possible as quickly as possible because I want to get something in before 'next' is called out and I have to stop. "I can get myself out of fights because I will always be the villain if I defend myself, but there's no getting around the cheep shots people take when I'm not looking. I do work with some students from NYU-X to help other people walk home from classes, but it doesn't feel like much. We're just people trying to get by while everyone else seems to want a piece of our souls to die... working on degrees that won't matter in the future." Ze falls silent, exhaling softly as ze stares at the deconstructed pastry. "The only reason why I think B had it worse is because I have... you. I have this place. I have Vanya and my friends. I know there are people here for me, so when I am at my most hopeless, I am not alone." Jax listens to this in silence, slowly picking at his food while Rasa speaks. "M'sorry," he says, finally, "I can't really imagine what it's all like. I wish I could tell you there's an end to it, you know? That you'll graduate and it'll get better but -- I just don't know. There's all kindsa horrible all over and I think it just -- just stays hard in different ways." He rubs at the back of his neck, his brows furrowing. "That don't sound too hopeful, do it? I don't mean that --" For a moment he pauses, teeth wiggling at a lip ring. "Having us, having this place, you still will, whatever you decide to do when you get out. And outside of college, in some ways it's easier for that kinda community to matter. We can't fix everything, but there's a lotta people working on building our own support networks in the ways we can. I don't think you need no specific sort of job to join in that effort, if what you're lookin' to do is help other folks navigate some of the struggles you have. There are so many ways to plug in to providing mutual aid, and it's -- unfortunately been getting more and more necessary all the time." Rasa pushes hir food and beverage vessels to one side before flopping down on the table's surface and going a little limp. Ze dwells on Jax's words for a few silent moments, staring up at him from the food's eye view. "Okay. um... maybe just email me the stuff later, yeah?" Ze moistens hir lips and lifts hir head enough to fit a fist under hir chin. "Ever just want a room completely filled with bean bag chairs and hammocks? I feel like life might be easier if we had padded rooms to bounce around in before we are deemed a danger to ourselves. Yanno?" Jax considers this, head tilting to one side. "I did organize a night at Chimaera just for smashing things," he answers brightly, "that seems like kinda the opposite. I bet we could have a squishy -- hurl yourself at soft things room set up for a week. I'll float the idea next meeting, see what we can do." "I love how you take the silliest, most off the cuff ideas and make them reality. It's a gift, Jax." Rasa pulls hirself and starts eating hir pastry in earnest. "I said it in jest, but now it seems so very important, like something I didn't know I needed." Ze grins sheepishly, chewing thoughtfully before shifting the conversation on to other similarly whimsical topics.