ArchivedLogs:Fake It Till You Make It

Fake It Till You Make It
Dramatis Personae Aloke, Jackson	2013-10-08 Set immediately after running into Ivan.
Location <XS> Gardens
From indoor gardens to outdoor, though without the protective greenhouse glass the back gardens do not last all year round. Still, the gardens out here are well-tended and well-worth spending time in, as well. The paths wending through the beds of flowers and herbs and vegetables spread out through the school's back grounds, tended by students as a credit class. Benches offer seating and a small pond is home to koi and turtles, as well as a few frogs. At the far back edges of the garden, a droning buzzing marks a few stacked white boxes as beehives. After the brief exchange with Ivan, Jackson has returned to the garden. Potato soup in hand, as well as the can of Rockstar Aloke requested. After handing off the can to Aloke silently, he returns to his seat, sliding his sketchpad onto his lap. His head falls to rest against Aloke's knee, eye staring off towards the beehives across the garden. It takes a long stretch of quiet before he reaches for his charcoal pencil, twirling it restlessly between his fingers as a small swarm of armoured armed bees flickers to life around him, settling on his knees, on his sketchpad, on the rim of his soup bowl beside him. "Hey, thanks," Aloke says with a grateful smile. He pops the top and takes a long sip. "You know, I was gonna..." Aloke trails off when he takes a closer look at Jax where he leans. "Hey, friend. Where'd you go just now? You look miles away." Aloke reaches out and gently touches the back of Jax's head. "What's on your mind?" Jackson's head tips back into the touch, reflexively, his eye closing as his bright fuzzy hair brushes back against Aloke's fingertips. "-- M'right here." He has a warm smile when he tilts his head back the rest of the way, to look up at Aloke. "Mmh? You were gonna what, hon?" Aloke laughs softly and smiles, shaking his head. "No no, I asked first. Are you sure you're ok?" Aloke reaches his fingers further down the back of Jax's head to massage the back of his neck and the base of his skull, like petting a cat. "You seem distracted." Jackson exhales quietly, his head rolling back forward, a little, to expose more neck to Aloke's ministrations; there's just a hint of ink visible at the base of his neck, beneath the dark collar that circles it. The pointed rays of a pair of stars. "Well, now I'm distracted," he says with a soft laugh, "but in a good way. Life's always better with neck rubs." His eye closes again, cheek pressing to Aloke's knee. "Just worried, I guess. I don't always know if I'm cut out for -- all this." Aloke's brow furrows and he leans forward, but doesn't stop the neck rub. "What's this now? Cut out for all what?" Jackson presses slightly upward, into Aloke's touch. He waves his hand, charcoal pencil gesturing in the direction Ivan left. "This -- teaching. Mentoring. I'm not doing these kids any good. Maybe the opposite. I'm going to ask the Professor if he'll take Ivan as an advisee, from me. I don't know why I even ever thought - I'm barely older than these kids are." He shakes his head, just slightly, tipping up another smile to Aloke, though he's left behind a small damp spot where his cheek pressed to Aloke's knee. "Sorry, what were you gonna -- you didn't finish that thought." "Hey, no..." Aloke croons. His voice is soft, gentle, while his hands are firm. He shifts so he can put both hands on Jax's shoulders, hands made strong through years of yoga. He begins to knead the tension he finds in Jax. "I mean, you have to decide what's right for you. But I can tell you this - you are /amazing/ with these kids. They love having someone close to their age, because you know what it's like for them. More than an old fogey like me, anyway." He chuckles, comfortable making fun of himself. "I just have a crush I meant to tell you about, but you've got real stuff going on here. Did something specific happen, to put you off?" There is admittedly not much /but/ tension in Jax's muscles, knotted hard through his shoulders. "Oh -- wow, you're good at that. -- A crush?" He glances up at this, a soft flush of colour in his cheeks. "No that's -- happy news um. On someone here?" Beneath Aloke's fingers, his skin is slowly growing warmer. He glances back down at his sketchpad, and the little illusionary bee-warriors perched on it. "I don't know. Daiki got moved to a room of his own this term because he can't -- handle people. And Shelby's just vanished to who knows where, I give her a summer job an' she drops outta school entire. An' Ivan's -- none of the work I do with him makes even a tiny bit of impact, he's doin' worse now than he was when --" Jackson stops, for a second, drawing in a shaky breath. "I think these kids just need more help than I can -- give them. And if I can't even deal with a couple of advisees at school I don't know how I'm fooling myself into thinkin' I can be an alright parent. The twins are /always/ --" He stops, here, pressing his knuckles briefly to his lips. "Sorry," he whispers. "I didn't mean to. It's not as bad as I -- I just don't think I'm the right person to help them." Aloke sighs, and keeps up on his work on Jax's neck and shoulders, even venturing to some scalp massage. He seems to let the crush business go by the wayside for now "Hey, these kids are every teacher's responsibility. You know, I took Shelby and everyone to that art show, way back. But we just can't watch them 24/7. They have to /want/ to be helped, on some level at least." Aloke continues kneading, and listening. "Oh... Jax. You're a /great/ dad. Just because you got an unruly kid or two doesn't make you bad at parenting. But look... when is the last time you took a vacation? Like, /just/ you an Micah, nothing but fun, the whole time? Maybe you just need some time off." "We went down to Atlanta over Labor Day weekend," Jackson says thoughtfully, "I was sellin' art at a convention down there. We had a lot of fun in the evenin's when the art show closed, anyway." His knees pull up towards his chest, fingers lacing together on top of them; the afternoon sun catches the fiery-coppery sunstone in his new ring, lighting it up to match his hair. He bonks his forehead down, against it, and sighs quietly at Aloke's continued rubbing. "Can't take a vacation now anyway, I jus' started trainin' my team again for --" He swallows, his shoulders trembling slightly. "They're doin' worse than they was when I started. I ain't saying it's my /fault/ or nothin' I'm just sayin' I ain't -- I can't -- I don't got no idea what I'm doin', Aloke." "Hm, that sounds like a work trip to me." Aloke smiles gently. Aloke moves to sit on the floor next to Jax, draping an arm around the young man's shoulders. "Can I tell you a secret?" Aloke waits a moment, for dramatic purposes, and gives a warm squeeze. "None of us know what we're doing. We just do our best with what we've got. There's not magical 'I'm 30!' fairy who shows up on your birthday to explain how the world works. We just fake it till we make it." Aloke squeezes the man across the shoulders again. Jackson leans in to Aloke's arm, resting up against the older man's side. "It was kind of -- a work trip but I don't --" His cheeks flush. "I ain't had a /actual/ vacation, no work or nothin', since um. Before high school." This comes with a laugh, more amused than upset at this fact. "I mean, dude, my family is poor as heck. I been working since I was old enough to hold farm tools." His head tips to rest on Aloke's shoulder, arm curling around his waist. "-- Oh, that would be such a great fairy, though. I'm so clueless about the world. Really good at fakin' things, though." His hand tips over, nails shifting colour to a deep coppery-bronze metallic shade. His other hand squeezes tighter around Aloke -- for a second before he blushes deeply and straightens slightly. "/Oh/, oh gosh. You was gonna be tellin' me about your crush that makes this a really -- bad time to want to kiss you probably, um, -- sorry I -- you're just -- warm it's -- nice." His hand scrubs against his crimson cheek and he offers Aloke a sheepish smile. "Who is it?" Aloke listens thoughtfully to Jax's explanation and nods. "Hey, I get it. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without the scholarships I had." In an interesting turn, Aloke doesn't seem embarrassed by Jax's mention of kissing. "Hey, that's ok. I mean, the cheek is always open for business. But I thought, I mean, you and Micah, right?" Aloke grins down at the floor for a moment and sighs. "Well, you know Mallory, right? From the library? We've been kind of... connecting. We have a date coming up." He shrugs and smiles a dopey smile. "Actually I asked Micah to marry me this weekend," Jax admits with a deeper blush. "But it's -- our relationship's -- he's totally OK with whoever I want to kiss. Just sorry cuz it ain't -- you ain't --" He doesn't finish this sentence, instead stopping with a quick bright smile. "Oh, wow. Sure I know Mallory. That's awesome, honey-honey, it seems like she's really been -- well, with everything that you --" His head dips, slightly, though his smile is still warm. "-- like she cares about you lots." "What?!" Aloke laughs with wreckless abandon. "That's /great/ news!" Aloke gives a fierce side hug, and then shakes his head. "Not good enough! I want real hugs!" Aloke rolls smoothly to his feet, hauls Jax up to stand as well, and wraps Jax in a proper hug. "I'm so happy for you. Also, I secretly love weddings." Aloke actually Jax off his feet briefly, turning in a half circle. "The ring! I'm such an idiot, I should have asked right away." He holds Jax at arms' length, beaming at the man, literally. His eyes have never been brighter, and might even be difficult to look directly into. Jackson returns the hug in a tight fierce squeeze, and /does/ kiss Aloke, albeit a small peck on the cheek. "Oh gosh weddin', we ain't even started to think about -- dates or types or any'a that but. When we do you'll definitely get an invite." He holds his hand up, smiling brighter has he wiggles his fingers to show the ring off. "It matches my hair." He's clearly quite delighted about this fact. "It's a sunstone I don't think he coulda chose more perfect." Jax does look into Aloke's eyes, and if their brightness hurts the photokinetic it doesn't show; he lifts his hand higher to brush fingers against Aloke's cheeks. "Oh --" This sounds soft, and happy. "You're glowin' again." He squeezes Aloke in another tight hug. "-- Do /you/ want to go for a walk with me? You ain't met my friend Sugar but I do need t'feed her. And it's a gorgeous walk." Aloke smiles at the cheek kiss, and returns the same to Jax. He admires the ring when Jax shows it off, and nods. "Wedding planning in its time. And yeah, why not? I've heard about this Sugar creature, but only second hand. I could use a long walk." Aloke moves to retreive his sketch pad, and tuck his tupperware into the folding stool. "I'll come back for that later. How'd you meet Sugar, anyway?" Aloke finishes putting things away, tucks his seat away in the corner, and raises his eyebrows, ready to go. "Oh, well, that's -- kinda a story an' a half," Jackson says with a soft laugh. He picks up his own sketchpad and thermos, stretching as he unfurls himself to his feet. "An' started with Ivan an' a giant dung beetle. I'll tell you on the way." His smile is still bright as he starts to lead the way, out of the garden and through the trees.