ArchivedLogs:Sugar and Spice

Sugar and Spice
Dramatis Personae Jackson, Aloke	2013-09-12 Jax helps Aloke make some valuable progress.
Location <XS> Medical Lab - B1, then <XS> Lake
Gleaming and sterile, the school's medical facility is all cool science in contrast to the mansion's old-world old-fashion. All stainless steel and antiseptic tinge, the room is filled with the quiet whir-click of the various implements that comprise its medical equipment -- all state-of the art. The hospital beds are curtained off for privacy when they have patients, and in one of the alcoves there is a small operating theatre visible. More heavy-duty equipment is visible in the lab in the back, where the securely locked cabinets keep sensitive equipment out of the reach of teenage fingers. It's midday and Aloke can be found /out of bed/. He's traded the hospital gown for black and red plaid pajama pants, gray t-shirt and white terry cloth robe, worn open. Someone must have brought these things down for him at some point, because according to the rumor mill, Aloke hasn't ventured any further than the infirmary restroom. Aloke is currently sitting in lotus position on the linoleum floor next to his bed. His back is against the wall, so he's facing his bed. A little ways away behind the wall Aloke leans against, the door to Hank's med lab office is ajar slightly, and light spills out in a wedge across the floor reaching almost to where Aloke is sitting. Occasionally the little noises of Hank working can be heard. In Aloke's lap is a small sketchpad, which seems all but forgotten. He has a pencil in hand, another behind one ear, and a gray putty eraser is stuck to the top corner of the blank page. Instead of drawing though, Aloke seems to be lost, staring away into the space under his hospital bed. There's no worry or furrow in his brow, but his expression is very far away. Jax's entry into the medbay is cheerfully bright; not /loud/ but colourful enough he's hard to /miss/. Vividly mismatched knee-high socks, a black and purple plaid pleated skirt, a bright green tank top beneath a black fishnet three-quarter-sleeved shirt. There's a faint green and purple luminescence coming from tiny dots in the slim black collar and cuffs at his throat and wrist, and he holds a thermos in one hand and a small tupperware in the other. "Heard you was awake," his greeting comes, warm and light in tone to match his quick smile. "Too much longer and I was thinkin' we might hafta find you a prince to kiss you." He sets the thermos and Tupperware down on a table by Aloke's bed, dropping down afterwards to kneel beside the older man. For a long moment, the words seem to fall on deaf ears. Just as the moment seems to stretch too far, Aloke turns his head slowly and regards Jax with almost no expression at all. His brow is smooth, his mouth hangs in a neutral position, and the ever present light in his eyes seems to be gone completely. The med lab was dimmed slightly, after Aloke woke up, because he complained about the light hurting his eyes. Even in the darker setting though, the shine is gone. Just plain old brown eyes stare back at Jax. Aloke's question is in even, flat tones. "Do you know any princes?" "S'kinda a state of mind, maybe. I'm sure we could rustle up somethin'." Jackson's smile is still warm, though his voice has dropped lower, a quiet note of concern buried in it. He lifts one hand, his touch exceedingly warm as his fingers touch lightly to Aloke's cheek. "Maybe the story had it in reverse, anyhow. Maybe the prince is the one as needs kissin', this time." He drops his hand again, twisting around to reach upward toward the table, pulling the thermos and Tupperware down from it. "Dr. McCoy been looking after you good? I brung -- well, t'ain't real food just, um, cupcakes an' tea." "Tea…" Aloke says, almost as a question, but his inflection is too flat to make it so. Suggestions of kissing seem to have gone right over his head. "Hank. Yes. He's been good." Flat. Aloke reaches around to his side to retrieve the little tablet device he had tucked away there. It wakes up when Aloke moves it. He sets it on the floor between himself and Jax. On the screen is a paused frame from the monitor video of the accident. All of the X-Men were briefed on what happened of course. The image is likely a familiar one. By some stroke of luck, the camera actually managed to catch him mid-transformation, showing his half-light form stretching away from the part of his body not yet converted, like a sweater unravelling from one run-away thread. "It all happened so fast…" Aloke's soft giggle turns briefly hysterical before he chokes it back. His eyes are wide, and glazed for that brief moment, but he swallows hard. Only one tear escapes. He doesn't bother trying to wipe it away. There is barely contained panic in his eyes. The image on the tablet earns a frown. Jackson glances down to it for a moment, but then slides the tablet over behind himself. "I'm sure you've already seen that plenty, honey-honey, I don't know if y'need to -- keep --" His lips press together. He reaches up again, and he /does/ wipe away the tear that Aloke does not, the back of one finger brushing light against Aloke's cheek. "Do -- do you know why it happened?" Aloke essentially doesn't notice the tear being wiped away, but when Jax moves the tablet his eyes go from contained panic, to full-blown panic. He leans forward, but misses a grab for the device, just slapping his palm against the smooth floor. He scrabbles to unfold himself from lotus position, but he's been sitting that way for too long, and all he manages to do is tangle his own legs together in a crazy cross-legged pretzel. "No-no-no," he whispers in a strained voice. He grasps at Jax instead, in the tablet's absence. He winds up with two fistfuls of skirt, fingers twined in the fabric, looking up at Jax with pleading in his eyes. "Please, no, I'm allowed, I'm /allowed/." In his desperation his voice becomes almost childlike, even more incongruous with the 50 year old's outward appearance. "Allowed?" Jax's eye widens, his hand lifting reflexively to Aloke's shoulder when he leans forward. His other hand moves to the tablet, very tentatively nudging it back into view. "Aloke, honey-honey --" He stops, his eye meeting Aloke's steadily. "Have you left this room at all? I think you might could do with a little fresh air." Aloke can't quite reach it from here, but when he can see the tablet again, he calms down by a couple of degrees. He looks down and seems surprised to have grabbed at Jax's clothing. He open his hands, which shake a little as he lifts them slowly. His fingers show gentle twitching individually. He blinks and looks down at his lap, not sure what to do with his hands. "I'm allowed to watch it…" he says. His calm voice is strangely out of sync with the restlessness in the rest of his body. It's flat, and sounds like he's reciting something from memory. "In case I'm able to identify any new data regarding the subject's cascading destabilized molecular event." The quote may be recognizable to Jax. Hank can be heard saying something to that effect in his rambling narration of the 10 or 12 minute video. "What do you mean, 'fresh air'?" Aloke's eyes narrow in a vague, but misplaced sense of suspicion. He shifts position to allow his legs to unfold beneath him. They stick out in front of him now, flat on the floor. "/You/, Aloke." Jackson's voice is quiet, very gentle. "Not -- 'the subject', y'ain't some --" There's a very faint twitch in his cheek, muscles clenching for a moment in his jaw. "Some labrat nobody's collatin' data from, you're -- just here to. Get help." His hand moves to rest his fingers over Aloke's twitching ones, teeth sinking in against his lip once more. "I mean it ain't great to just stay cooped up here lookin' at the same video over an' over. You're kinda gone all twitchy. What -- helps you clear your head? Would y'like to see somethin' aside from these same walls?" Aloke lets his hand go still, held in Jax's. His eyes flick to the tablet briefly as if checking whether it's still there, and then his eyes focus directly over Jax's shoulder, at nothing in particular. "Um, I-" He shifts slightly, moving the pad and pencils over next to him where the tablet was before. "You mean, like, outside?" He blinks, still not making eye contact. "I… I like the lake? Oh..." His voice drops off and the tone of utter loss and despair is impossible to miss. He blinks a few more tears away. "The lake was /real/? Is that a real place?" He finally turns to hold Jax's gaze, and squeeze his hand, but his question is less desperate now, and more hopeful. "Yes. Like outside. Like anywhere not this room, Aloke." Jax's thumb brushes against Aloke's cheek again, wiping away the fresh tears. He stands, curling his hand firmer around Aloke's. "Yeah, s'a real place. C'mon. There's this whole exciting /world/ outside of this room." He tugs gently at Aloke's hand, encouraging the older man to stand. "I'll show you." Aloke looks at Jax, and for a moment, his gaze actually looks /sane/. A couple of short breaths are followed by a long breath, and then Aloke seems to actually recognize Jax. "Oh… Oh, it's /you/. Sometimes… I come unstuck… I'm sorry if I say things, but please…" Aloke swallows hard again and reaches up to squeeze Jax's shoulder. "Just. Ignore the… ignore some. Of what I say." Aloke loses some of that focus again, but he nods in a distracted way. "Can I see the lake please? I think… I used to draw it?" "Yeah, s'me, honey-honey." Jackson tugs lightly at Aloke's hand, his other curling briefly around Aloke's shoulders in a small squeeze. "C'mon. I'll bring your tea. The cupcakes are chai cupcakes," he adds lightly. "We'll sit by the lake a spell. Maybe y'might could try drawin' a spell. Or just sit. Enjoy the day. S'gorgeous out." "Wait, /chai/ cupcakes?" Aloke licks dry lips and and thinks for a moment. "I… /like/ those, I think." Aloke climbs to his feet, looking a little shaky at first, but steadies himself eventually. "Sitting by the lake was nice. I… dreamed about it." It's clear from his tone that 'dream' isn't really the word he means, but he's also being careful about how deeply he considers certain questions. "Chai cupcakes. An' Assam tea. Actually, I mean, the cupcakes was made with Assam, too. Just spiced up nice." Jackson's hand stays at Aloke's arm, supportive as the other man gets shakily to his feet. "Well, y'don't gotta jus' dream. Lake's still there. We'll go together." He reaches to pick up the thermos and tupperware of cupcakes, tucking the latter underneath his arm. "Ain't /quite/ lunch yet so's it'll be quiet out there, too." "Oh no," Aloke says quietly, backing away from the exit a step, without taking his arm from Jax's hand. He seems to /like/ the support, but is suddenly very skittish. "No, I don't want to see anyone else… I'm not- I… just can't, yet. Are you sure we won't see anyone?" Jackson squeezes gently at Aloke's arm, his smile quick and warm. He holds up his other hand with the tea thermos in it, and for a moment the thermos vanishes. "I'm an illusionist," he reminds Aloke cheerfully, "I can't promise you who we'll see, but I /can/ promise you ain't nobody gonna see /us/ if you just want some quiet time." The thermos reappears, and Jackson nudges Aloke gently forward along with him towards the door. It's perhaps a longer walk than usual across the huge wide lawn down to the lake, Jackson taking it slow for Aloke's sake, but the day is pleasant and warm. Jackson finds them a spot on the pier, its stones sun-warmed. "Still gorgeous, yeah?" Aloke nods reluctantly at first, and then catches on when Jax makes the thermos disappear. As they make their way through the mansion unseen, Aloke's legs begin to limber up, and he's less stiff, though still very hesitant. When they walk out onto the pier, Aloke slows to enjoy the feeling of the warm stones under his bare feet in each step. When they finally come to a stop, he nods at Jax's question. Instead of responding though, it seems like the strength slowly ebbs from Aloke's legs, and he sinks to a sitting position on the edge of the dock, but since he's unwilling to release Jax's arm, he pulls the younger man down to sit with him. More tears roll down Aloke's face, shimmering in the reflected sunlight from the surface of the lake, but they're rolling over smile lines this time. He has several more than he did last week, but they're definitely smile-related. Once Jax is settled next to him, he hugs Jax's arm tight against his side, and tips his head over to rest on the other man's shoulder. "For so long… I wasn't sure… how much of this was ever real. I prayed, but… I couldn't- still can't always make it right in my head." Jackson sinks down to sit beside Aloke, smoothing his skirt into place and setting the thermos and cupcake container down in front of them. His arm curls around, wrapping behind Aloke's back; he lifts his hand to brush fingers slowly against Aloke's hair when the older man's head rests on his shoulder. "Don't imagine all this lately is helpin' none," he says quietly. "Though I don't know as you always /need/ to understand everything so long as -- so long as you got things that ground you. Things y'can hold on to when the world's seeming kinda shaky." Aloke takes a couple of deep breaths, resting there on Jax's shoulder and finally sits up, scooting more into the side-hug provided. He sniffs, and reaches up to wipe at his face and eyes a bit. "I just… Hank has tried so hard to explain it all to me, but there's so much I just don't get. And all that's in my head is the feeling of being /dragged/ into my transformation, out of control." He chokes up for a second, but manages to hold back the tears this time. "I don't ever want to feel that again. And then…" he gestures at his new face and gray hair. "There's /this/ too. I probably wouldn't /survive/ another trip like that… for multiple reasons." Aloke takes a shuddery breath, and reaches for the tupperware container. He fumbles it at first, but steadies himself, wanting to get it open on his own. It pops open eventually, releasing the aroma of the cupcakes inside. He removes one, sets the container down, and peels half of the wrapper off the bottom of the cupcake. He breathes in the smell once more, and then takes a huge bite, letting it fill his cheeks like chipmunk. He tries to say something, but it just turns into a groan of delight as his eyes roll back, and he sticks with chewing instead of talking. Jackson's fingers smoothe down at Aloke's hair a moment longer; when Aloke sits up he leans over, pressing a light kiss to the side of his head. "You know, this place --" He waves one hand around the school grounds. "We done helped so many kids here, get a handle on their abilities. Everyone's are so different. An' it ain't /easy/ figuring 'em out or gettin' 'em in control all the time. But we -- I mean, you're part'a this community, too, we're gonna work just as hard to help you get a handle on your life. Cuz shouldn't nobody feel out of control with their own abilities." The small groan of delight prompts a quick smile from him. Aloke nods along with Jax's assessment of the school while he chews and swallows. "I'm really glad I'm /here/, rather than anywhere else. But, I still get…" Aloke makes a spinning gesture with his free hand. "I get confused sometimes, since the accident. Charles has been helping me straighten things out… but it's hard." Aloke takes another, smaller bite this time. With that bite down, his eyebrows go up, and his expression looks vaguely surprised. "I feel… different…" He looks down at the water for a moment, furrowing his brow, probably probing some inner sensation. "I mean, /better/, sorry," he corrects, to allay any concern. When he glances back up at Jax, making eye contact for the first time today, and deep, far far back in the brown wells of his eyes are the first flickers of the old light that used to live there. "Think the sugar might'a helped? 'least, I know what I do burns sugar like /crazy/ an' that kinda confused-disorienty woozy feelin's a pretty sure sign my blood sugar's crashing hard." Jackson's arm drops from around Aloke, fingers trailing briefly against the older man's back before he rests his hand on the warm stones behind them. "Might be helpful getting out of that room, too. Getting out of your /head/ for a little bit and back into the world." A warm smile curls across Jax's face. He lifts a hand, fingers touching briefly against Aloke's cheek. "Certainly looks like it's doing you some good." "I think it must have," Aloke says, tipping his head slightly into Jax's hand, like a happy cat. "There's still so much… spinning around in here. But… at least I feel human again. Thomas was saying too, how much more he has to eat after his transformation. It was never an issue for me before, but something is definitely… /different/ for me now." Another brief bout of contained sob bubbles to the surface. It doesn't leave Aloke crying, per se, but his voice catches and he has to swallow hard. He whispers, "God, Jax, I was alone for so /long/. I don't even-" Aloke shakes his head and leans it on Jax's shoulder again. "Yeah, s'probably important to learn what kinda needs you have, these things can -- take a lot outta you /physically/ too." Jackson turns his head to the side at the sob, kissing Aloke on the forehead when the older man's head moves to his shoulder. His arm curls around Aloke's shoulders again, head tipping to the side to rest his cheek against Aloke's hair. "Y'ain't alone now, honey-honey. An' we can work with you to -- figure this thing out. Get it in control. Make sure this thing don't control /you/." "Thanks, that means more to me than I can say." Aloke seems content to just sip, tipped against Jax's shoulder for a good long while, and finally seems to find some foothold on inner peace. He must have a long way to go, but the first step is always hardest.