Logs:Buddy System

Buddy System
Dramatis Personae Joshua, Lily	2023-02-25 You shouldn't have to face that shit alone.
Location <???>
Whatever February was busy doing in New York, here it is balmy, a warm and pleasant breeze blowing salt air off the ocean. It's grown quite late but the boardwalk is still lively -- there a group of people spilling tipsily out of a nightclub, here a drum circle with dancers felt ebbing and flowing. Somewhere at the periphery of the music is Joshua, faintly flushed in a way that suggests he has recently been either drinking or dancing, though at the moment he is neither. He's casually dressed, jeans and sandals and red-and-black-flag kippah and a grey tee shirt with a screenprint of a pot with a ladle reading "Soups On!" and under that, "Eastlake High School Odyssey of the Mind STATE CHAMPIONS 2007" in terribly kerned print. He's kind of on the fringe of a louder and clearly much drunker cluster of people engaged in a loud and amiable conversation in Hebrew. His contributions to this are minimal, though when he does speak briefly up it sets the group to laughing. One moment later there is a new addition to the circle — Lily, wine-flushed across her cheeks, slightly shower-damp still, just behind Joshua’s shoulder. She’s not dressed for the weather here or New York — UPenn zip up hoodie loose around an even looser red University of Utah tee, black barrel cut jeans and paint-splattered chelsea boots. Her hair is damp, hanging in just dried clumps around her face. An open screw top bottle of wine is held loose in her right hand and in danger of falling through if she continues to stare at the circle of people. “— Oh,” comes out after a too long moment, “sorry I thought you would be — where are — you know what, whatever, I can just — come back when you have. A second.” Her short sentences are more pause-riddled than usual, and she’s faintly unsteady on her feet. Lily's sudden appearance does draw some (startled? amused?) comment from Joshua's small cluster of companions, but he doesn't bother to reply to it. He glances over Lily, glances down at the bottle in danger of slipping from in her hand. He's casual about snagging it, head jerking to indicate Away From The Circle, not bothering to excuse himself from the group and simply drifting away down the boardwalk like he expects Lily will still be there with him. "I got a second." Lily trails along in Joshua’s wake, slower than is usual for her. “You sure?” She is looking back at the group they’ve abandoned, then down the length of boardwalk ahead of them. Up at the dark sky above them. “I thought. You were still in pre-Sabbath mode. Maybe. Sorry for—” Lily tips her head back towards the group. She holds her hand out to Joshua — for the bottle. “You’ve known Lucien Tessier for a while, right? Has he ever. Not. Made red tape disappear. When he said he was going to. Is he ever not that person.” She sounds at once hopeful and despondent at the possibility. "In my heart," Joshua answers solemnly, "I'm always in Shabbat mode." He returns the bottle without any argument, though he is maybe a little more cautious than usual to make sure Lily is actually holding it securely before he lets go. His brows lift, and he looks away, then, out towards the dark of the ocean. His jaw works slowly as he considers his answer. "Tessier could tell me he'll get me the winning Powerball numbers for tomorrow and I'd assume he's got a precog in his back pocket. Man does not overpromise." He's shoving his hands into his pockets, giving Lily a pensive once-over. "S'a full-bottle-of-wine level of bureaucratic fuckery?" “Fuck.” Probably that answers Joshua’s question. No clarification is coming until Lily’s worked the cap back off and taken a swig. “… are we in a no-public-drinking location I can. Send it back.” Her grip tightens on the base of the bottle. “Hah. He’s gotten me. Is getting me. A residency match. A new-old one. Guess where.” Half a beat, enough space to start to voice a guess but not enough to finish, passes before Lily answers. “Fucking Prometheus.” Joshua waves a hand dismissively at the question of the wine. "Isn't drinking what beaches are for?" Habitually slow to speak, he doesn't start voicing a guess, though the slow scrunch of his brows suggests some guesses are forming. Probably the answer she gives was not among them, though. The thoughtful scrunch runs away from his face. He's stopped his casual boardwalk amble in his tracks, eyes wider and fixed on Lily. There's a sudden tight clench of his jaw, flare of his nostrils on a quicker breath, with the abrupt fear that has printed itself plain across his normally stoic expression. He eyes the wine bottle, and then turns his eyes up to search the night sky as if it will tell him an appropriate response to this. Evidently none is immediately forthcoming -- for this moment, at least, Lily is left with the silence. What reaction was Lily looking for? It’s unclear, since while Joshua is frozen she is taking another drink. “You want, it’s got the, the thing —“ Lily is peering at the label, the back of the label, then taps at a small encircled U in small print, “— it’s some shit wine but it’s kosher.” She looks up — her eyes widen, mirroring some of Joshua’s fear back to him. “Fuck, I’m — I shouldn’t have — said. Told you. Told anyone?” She sways into the faint ocean breeze. “I think.” "No, it's -- I just -- I thought -- you --" Joshua takes the bottle in silence and takes a rather large swallow before handing it back to Lily. When he turns to face her again there's something pleading -- in his tone, in his expression. "Why?" Lily doesn’t bother to recap the bottle when it’s returned to her, just sort of swirls it by the neck. “They need fucking. Footage. Info. Already put Dawson on every TV in America and they need more to kill the fucking thing.” Her voice is tight and strained, the sob threatening to bubble forth swallowed down. “So. Prodigal daughter returns to the nest. Starts pecking out livers. For the cause. Is the plan.” The pleading look melts away from Joshua's face. In its place, nothing, really -- his expression slowly falling back into its typical bland morose droop. "Nu, Lily --" at first comes out on a ragged breath as he takes just a half-step toward her and then checks himself. His hands have pulled out of his pockets -- now wrapping tightly around his chest as if physically restraining himself. His eyes turn back to the sky as he draws a slow breath. "And if you do that. He really thinks he can do it?" Lily’s defeated slump is carrying her to the ground — she sits down on the oceanward edge of the boardwalk, setting the bottle down before wraps her arms around her knees. “He doesn’t overpromise.” A touch of bitterness in this echo. “They just need someone on the inside with access. Who am I to get in the way of that.” Joshua slowly lowers himself to sit beside Lily, arms still curled close against his chest. Who am I quirks his brows upward. "... you're the one who'll be going in." “Right, and if I don’t. Then — what. The government co-signs Prometheus publicly? You all throw yourselves at the labs over and over again until you’re all dead or inside?” Lily buries her face against her knees. “If not me who. Do you know anyone else. Please I don’t want to do this.” "If you don't we find some other way," Joshua replies, a more desperate intensity edging into his voice. "You don't -- it's not your obligation to tear yourself apart to bring those motherfuckers down. You don't have to spend your life doing penance. Fuck knows Prometheus needs to be destroyed but you don't have to destroy yourself to do it. And going into a place like that feeling like that, it --" Joshua swallows hard, his eyes wider as if he's startled himself with this fervent outpouring of words. He half-turns to better look at Lily. "How will you keep yourself together? If you do this? A cause is important, Lily, but you're important, too." “All I have been doing since I came to New York is penance.” No bitterness here, just weary grief. “All I will ever be doing is penance if Prometheus stays open. It’s not your obligation either and yet you keep going, right?” When Lily looks back at Joshua, her eyes are wide and damp, the waver in her voice becoming more and more apparent. “I’m not going to be able to live with myself if I don’t try. I just — I wanted — “ she cuts herself off with a shake of head. “…I don’t know. I wanted to tell you that it was happening, I haven’t — this was like an hour ago, I don’t have any plans yet. I don’t know.” "I keep going," Joshua acknowledges, softly. "Do you think I'm doing penance? I am not atoning and I sure as shit don't want to be a martyr, that shit isn't why I --" He's pulling his knees up closer to his chest, too, arms unwrapping from his chest only to curl now around his shins. His eyes have turned up to the sky again, and though they're also damp when he looks back to Lily, his voice is steady. "Thank you. For trusting me with this. I just -- those fucking cages have taken so many friends, I don't..." He pushes out a breath hard, between his teeth. "Do you have any idea -- when. You'll -- leave." “No, I don’t. I think you go back because it’s the right thing to do. Wish I could borrow that kind of courage.” Sensible to Joshua is the tight coil of Lily’s power around the copy of his, gripping hard like maybe here is where the bravery is stored. “Sorr— Thank you, for — listening.” Her thanks is quiet but earnest, less so the darkly amused followup: “Also for not stabbing me about it.” She presses a palm against her lips. “I don’t know yet. Maybe April, earliest, my credits are all fucked from transferring I bet I could sit out that last block. June probably latest, after I graduate.” At first Joshua just nods at this, heavy and ponderous. His fingers clench and unclench against his jeans, his eyes lowering to the sandy wood beneath them. His jaw works slowly, his breathing carefully deliberate. "Let me know. When you know. For sure. When you're going. Where you're going." His eyes drag back up to fix on Lily's face. "I can go with you." Lily’s face goes pale against the wine-flush. “What the fuck. No. No no nonononono. What. You were just there. They know you.” Lily stares at Joshua, mouth just hanging open for a moment while more objections race to the surface. Possibly there is something more compelling in there but what comes out next is, “— you have a job.” "I know them. Probably been in more of those labs than -- almost anyone." Joshua sounds milder than he probably should, given the topic. His fingers clench down hard again. This time, they do not relax. "And what we see. From the inside. Probably -- pretty different than the view you'll have. If what you want is an inside view --" His shoulders have tightened, but his voice stays doggedly even. "And yeah. They know me. Basically a Prometheus VIP by now. Might as well fill out the rest of my punch card. Probably earn myself a free tee shirt this time around." Lily's wide-eyed horror is not fading at these -- are they reassurances, they are not working if they are, each additional fragmented sentence making Lily's breathing come just that much faster. "I think," she says very faintly, "they want the view of the torture. More of it. I -- saw. The Blackburn footage, not just what was in the special, what they did to Dawson, I can't -- if it's that, if it's worse than that, how. How can you go back. Again." "Hey, it's no big," the continued calm of Joshua's tone is markedly in contrast to his tightly clenched posture, "I get the luxury Prometheus experience. The trick is, be born with a power so valuable to them they'll never fuck you up too bad." It's probably still not a reassurance -- especially given his slight unsteady inhale, his almost-absent afterthought: "... well, not the researchers, anyway. I can't say the guards are my biggest fanclub." He swallows, and shakes his head. "Look, when you go in there, if you're." Some muscle twitches in his cheek, his jaw clenching before he manages to continue, "-- if you're on the other side of those bars, you'll have your own subjects, your own little niche. The shit that happens outside of experiments, the shit that happens to prisoners who aren't yours -- if there's shit you should be capturing that you're missing, I can tell you. Point you to -- the. Worst of it." He blinks, looking upward again as if this will dry the bright glimmer of tears from his eyes. Much softer: "Besides. You shouldn't have to face that shit alone." “That is the worst fucking pitch. And it makes sense. Jesus fucking Christ.” Lily picks up the wine bottle and drinks again, holds it out to Joshua after. Wipes her wet eyes on her sleeve. “I don't want you to do this, that isn't why --" She swallows hard. "-- fuck but I'll get to leave, if it's the same as Hofstadter, won't that. Leave you alone. In there. That’s not. That’s. Not.” A long breath. Lily looks up to the heavens as well, pleading gaze aimed at the faint stars. "Is there anything I can say that will change your mind. Anyone I can get to change your mind. Your teams. Your family.” "Tch. I don't introduce anyone to my family specifically so nobody can snitch on my terrible ideas. My sister would kill me." Joshua takes the wine back and takes a large swallow. "Fuck, do not tell my team." His hand is not entirely steady when he offers it back. "... or. Shit. Definitely tell my team. After you get out." His arms are wrapping back around his knees, tight, shoulders hunching. It does not come out quite as confident as he intended when he adds, "Besides. If this works, I won't be in there forever. Just till those fuckers go down in flames."